It has been almost three years to the day that I was exposed for the way I was living and the people I was hurting. It was almost three years ago that I broke my beloved wife's heart, nearly lost my marriage and my children. It was almost three years ago that I sealed my fate and closed the door on a promising, well paying career. It was almost three years ago that my life changed forever. It was almost three years ago that Jesus came into my life and healed my wounds and those of my family's.
I digress at this moment because I have noticed an alarming fact. The farther away I get from the climax of my struggles the easier it becomes to forget the negative effects they had. As I contemplate this notion it occurs to me that this may be an issue for anyone out there dealing with addiction issues. Our minds are an amazing creation, capable of performing functions more complex and faster than any known super computer; yet at the same time they are depraved and clouded by sin. This isn't to say that we cannot concieve of good things or even perform beneficial actions for others, but it does mean that even our best intentions when devised for our own purposes can lead to destructive ends. I have caught myself reflecting on the past and the things I used to do prior to my walk with Christ and found myself almost reflecting wishfully on them. It is at this moment that I must seize hold of what I am doing and force myself to remember the reality of the past and the pain in it caused both to me and my family. that is where the title of this post comes in.
The farther we get from the time we have ceased from engaging in addictive behavior, the easier it is to look fondly on the past, omitting the reality of the pain. This can be attributed to two things. We as humans are inherently sinful. By our very nature we our bent to act toward unrighteousness. I recognize that anyone reading this post that doesn't share my religious beliefs will disagree with both of these points, but I would challenge you to objectivey reflect on the best laid intentions of men, particularly yourself, and follow them through to the results. I think you'll find that more often than not sin wins out. Because of this desire toward the ungodly, our mind quickly forgets those aspects of sinful activities that caused pain and suffering and holds to those aspects that gave even the most temporal pleasure. The second reason this thought process occurs it the influence of evil. In particular I am referring to Satan. I see no evidence biblically that Satan can read our minds or even know our thoughts, but ti is certain that he has existed on this world since its inception and has observed and interacted with mankind from the beginning. This extended amount of contact with us has provided him with a wealth of knowledge about the human psyche which he most definitely uses to his favor. It would be no trouble for a being such as this, who knows everything about how you and I work, to externally motivate our thought processes back to our sinful past and omit the realities of pain involved. If we allow this to happen for any continuous period of time we risk returning to our old ways. Those of you out there that knowthe dangers of recidivism into addiction even for a moment, know that this must be fought against.
James 4:7 says, "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."
If you are not a child of God; if you have not accepted Jesus as Lord, you cannot resist the temptation of the devil. You are simply not equipped. No twelve step program or self help book in existence will be able to keep him from accessing your sinful nature by some means. If you are struggling with temptation and have not yet considered Christ as an option I urge you to do so. Go to Him in prayer this very minute and ask for forgiveness of your sins, and accept His control over your life. If you do this, a world of victory awaits you.
If your are born again, the struggle must be taken to God. First and foremost, if you find yourslef looking fondly into the past over your old ways, take that moment to sieze hold of these thoughts and turn to prayer, asking the Lord to take them from you. Immediately focus your mind on the day you turned from your sin and concentrate solely on the pain caused by your actions. If need be, go to a spouse or friend that knew you then and ask them to help you remember what your actions did to them. I am not advocating living in the past in a perpetual state of guilt, but you cannot let yourself forget what you were if it will cause you to return to it. These struggles are difficult and it may seem like a losing battle, but if you remain focused on Christ and authentically, honestly desire to overcome, He will carry you through to the day when you can be absolutely free.
"For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world; and this is the victory that overcometh the world, our faith."
1 John 5:4
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
The Hedonic Paradox
The title of this blog coms from a philisophical position known as the "hedonic paradox". It states that the pursuit of pleasure for pleasure's sake often ends in frustration rather than satisfaction. While I was reading up on this thought I really had to let it sink in. If anyone out there has been reading my posts you'll be able to identify that this "paradox" has a firm foundation in my life. I spent years pursuing hedonistic ends by any means, always with the promise of fulfillment dangling in front of my face like a carrot on a string; yet, when it was over, there was only sadness and emptiness. You would think that after two or three incidences, it would be easy to realize that there is no gold at the end of this rainbow, but surprisingly enough, each time the urge returned it was as if I had forgotten the last time.
There is a Hebrew proverb that says, "Like a dog returning to its vomit, so is a fool returning to his folly." It's a rather graphic word picture, but it is very true. I was so repulsed inside about what I had become, I would physically become ill, yet none of it stopped me from repeating the endless cycle. Consider this in your life. What are you chasing after? Why are you chasing it? Is it sex? drugs? money? success? All of these things are hedonistic pleasures. None of these will give you fulfillment. If you doubt what I say simply turn on the news. Actors and actresses with more money and noteriety than you or I are committing suicide, presumably because they are lacking something inside. More CEOs of multi-million dollar companies take anti-depression medication than mothers suffering from post-partum depression. How many politicians in this country have sex scandals exposed publicly? These men have all they should need or want, yet something drives them to keep seeking pleasure. I know this feeling because I have lived it and still feel it's cold tug on my heart.
While you may not be a believer in Christ, while reading this, I have found that the Biblical picture of Satan and sin matches the reality of this world better than any other belief system in existence. Satan is portrayed as the accuser of men. In his actions he draws mankind into sin by promising prosperity and satisfaction and when you have succumbed, he uses the very same sinful actions to place blame and guilt upon you. It has been said that sin, if allowed to flow unchecked, will kill you. I don't mean you'll die from old age, but that your actions will bring about an untimely demise. Many skeptics will doubt this, and even argue that there is no such thing as "sin". My simple question to that is, "Have you never done anything you know internally to be wrong? Even if it didn't wrong anyone else?" I doubt any honest person on the face of this planet could answer no to that. If the answer is yes, then ask yourself why. the why is because there is a compass in each and every one of us pointing us to God, the author and perfector of what is good and right in this world. Unfortunately, we are surrounded by evil, temptation and failure; both from outside ourselves and from within. This has the effect of a magnet on a compass and begins to pull our course to the left or to the right of what God's will is.
The hedonist paradox was put together by secular philosophy but sums up a plethora of Biblical truth. If you are an addict, you know this to be true and are living it right now. Know that nothing you desire in this world will bring absolute fulfillment! Desire is very convincing and will undoubtedly begin telling you that nothing your striving for is really "that bad". Anything ,and I mean anything, outside of God will fail you. It will fail you because it is devised either by humans, for humans, or from a fallen world. Science teaches us that the entire universe is on a slow track of expansion toward eventual collapse. If everything we know in this physical universe is destined for destruction, what gives any of us the idea that anything promised in this life will take us anywhere else. There is more to life than the old adage, "eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die." After all, eating, drinking and being merry only satisfy for a short time, and once you die, you face your judgment. You, me and everyone else on the face of this earth will stand before God one day; make today the day you start to live for Him!
1Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. 2As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 3For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. 4They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. 5But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. 6For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit. 1Peter 4:1-6
There is a Hebrew proverb that says, "Like a dog returning to its vomit, so is a fool returning to his folly." It's a rather graphic word picture, but it is very true. I was so repulsed inside about what I had become, I would physically become ill, yet none of it stopped me from repeating the endless cycle. Consider this in your life. What are you chasing after? Why are you chasing it? Is it sex? drugs? money? success? All of these things are hedonistic pleasures. None of these will give you fulfillment. If you doubt what I say simply turn on the news. Actors and actresses with more money and noteriety than you or I are committing suicide, presumably because they are lacking something inside. More CEOs of multi-million dollar companies take anti-depression medication than mothers suffering from post-partum depression. How many politicians in this country have sex scandals exposed publicly? These men have all they should need or want, yet something drives them to keep seeking pleasure. I know this feeling because I have lived it and still feel it's cold tug on my heart.
While you may not be a believer in Christ, while reading this, I have found that the Biblical picture of Satan and sin matches the reality of this world better than any other belief system in existence. Satan is portrayed as the accuser of men. In his actions he draws mankind into sin by promising prosperity and satisfaction and when you have succumbed, he uses the very same sinful actions to place blame and guilt upon you. It has been said that sin, if allowed to flow unchecked, will kill you. I don't mean you'll die from old age, but that your actions will bring about an untimely demise. Many skeptics will doubt this, and even argue that there is no such thing as "sin". My simple question to that is, "Have you never done anything you know internally to be wrong? Even if it didn't wrong anyone else?" I doubt any honest person on the face of this planet could answer no to that. If the answer is yes, then ask yourself why. the why is because there is a compass in each and every one of us pointing us to God, the author and perfector of what is good and right in this world. Unfortunately, we are surrounded by evil, temptation and failure; both from outside ourselves and from within. This has the effect of a magnet on a compass and begins to pull our course to the left or to the right of what God's will is.
The hedonist paradox was put together by secular philosophy but sums up a plethora of Biblical truth. If you are an addict, you know this to be true and are living it right now. Know that nothing you desire in this world will bring absolute fulfillment! Desire is very convincing and will undoubtedly begin telling you that nothing your striving for is really "that bad". Anything ,and I mean anything, outside of God will fail you. It will fail you because it is devised either by humans, for humans, or from a fallen world. Science teaches us that the entire universe is on a slow track of expansion toward eventual collapse. If everything we know in this physical universe is destined for destruction, what gives any of us the idea that anything promised in this life will take us anywhere else. There is more to life than the old adage, "eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die." After all, eating, drinking and being merry only satisfy for a short time, and once you die, you face your judgment. You, me and everyone else on the face of this earth will stand before God one day; make today the day you start to live for Him!
1Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. 2As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. 3For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. 4They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. 5But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. 6For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit. 1Peter 4:1-6
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Do You Really Want To Quit?
I recently met with a pastor acquaintance of mine, who pointed me in the direction of a Puritan writer by the name of John Owen. While I haven't had the opportunity to read his work as of yet, the pastor made a comment that really resounded with me. John Owen makes a statement in his book titled "The Mortification of Sin", to the effect of, "Do you really want to die to your sin in your heart or are you just dying to it with your mouth?" I made no mention of it then, but WOW! I went home with that mulling around in my mind, and I have been meditating on it ever since.
Admittedly when I share these thoughts it is to a Christian audience, but the audience is irrelevant to the truth of what I say. Whether you believe in sin or not does not change that sin exists. It is a common misconception in today's cynical and amateurly philosophical world that "truth" is determined by whether or not one actually believes it. This is a ridiculous notion at best. 2+2 does not cease to equal 4 just because I choose not to believe it! Such is the same with sin. My point in this little diatribe is that if you are reading this and are part of the human race, you are a sinner. You were born in sin, and without Christ, you will die in sin. This sin state does not change when you become a Christian either. There is no such thing as being "sin-free" or even "sinless" this side of Heaven. A Christian, just like an Atheist must do battle everyday with the urges of the flesh and the temptations of the world. The difference, between the two is that a Christian does not have to face this battle alone. When one accepts salvation by Jesus Christ, they have someone to lean on that is stronger and mightier, not only than themselves, but than the world and everything in it.
This does not negate the battle. I am a Christian and I face the temptation of sin every day. Some days even seem more powerful than others. I run the same risk of relapse as does anyone else. True success can only be experienced through obedience to the Lord. This is where the title of my post today comes in. I can be a born again, church going, Bible believing Christian, but if I am not truly willing to turn my back on sin, then I will fail, and probably faster than anyone else. I can say it over and over again in my head that I will not give in to temptation, but if there is even the slightest hint of desire to remain attached to my addiction then I am doing nothing but beating my fists into the air! So I ask you, have you thought about this? Don't be too quick to answer this question. Really think about it for awhile. If you are a Christian, it's gut-check time. Have you, without a doubt, given your struggle over to God? Is there any hint, anywhere in your being that causes you to grasp ever so tightly to your old self? If you are not a Christian, I do pray that you consider Christ as an option, but the question is the same for you. Have you fully turned your back to your old ways? You cannot overcome an addiction by merely reducing your intake. This is difficult, but no one ever said it would be easy. If any of us ever hopes to be an overcomer, we must first die to ourselves.
Ask yourself, "Do I really want to quit?" If the answer is an absolute, honest, "yes" then be ready to do whatever it takes and prepare for a long, hard battle.
Admittedly when I share these thoughts it is to a Christian audience, but the audience is irrelevant to the truth of what I say. Whether you believe in sin or not does not change that sin exists. It is a common misconception in today's cynical and amateurly philosophical world that "truth" is determined by whether or not one actually believes it. This is a ridiculous notion at best. 2+2 does not cease to equal 4 just because I choose not to believe it! Such is the same with sin. My point in this little diatribe is that if you are reading this and are part of the human race, you are a sinner. You were born in sin, and without Christ, you will die in sin. This sin state does not change when you become a Christian either. There is no such thing as being "sin-free" or even "sinless" this side of Heaven. A Christian, just like an Atheist must do battle everyday with the urges of the flesh and the temptations of the world. The difference, between the two is that a Christian does not have to face this battle alone. When one accepts salvation by Jesus Christ, they have someone to lean on that is stronger and mightier, not only than themselves, but than the world and everything in it.
This does not negate the battle. I am a Christian and I face the temptation of sin every day. Some days even seem more powerful than others. I run the same risk of relapse as does anyone else. True success can only be experienced through obedience to the Lord. This is where the title of my post today comes in. I can be a born again, church going, Bible believing Christian, but if I am not truly willing to turn my back on sin, then I will fail, and probably faster than anyone else. I can say it over and over again in my head that I will not give in to temptation, but if there is even the slightest hint of desire to remain attached to my addiction then I am doing nothing but beating my fists into the air! So I ask you, have you thought about this? Don't be too quick to answer this question. Really think about it for awhile. If you are a Christian, it's gut-check time. Have you, without a doubt, given your struggle over to God? Is there any hint, anywhere in your being that causes you to grasp ever so tightly to your old self? If you are not a Christian, I do pray that you consider Christ as an option, but the question is the same for you. Have you fully turned your back to your old ways? You cannot overcome an addiction by merely reducing your intake. This is difficult, but no one ever said it would be easy. If any of us ever hopes to be an overcomer, we must first die to ourselves.
Ask yourself, "Do I really want to quit?" If the answer is an absolute, honest, "yes" then be ready to do whatever it takes and prepare for a long, hard battle.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Struggle of Sobriety
Recently I was phoned by an old friend; a friend I haven't seen or heard from in a long time. It was great to hear from him and speak with him. During our conversation it came out that he had become a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and had just celebrated his 2 year mark of sobriety. This is a wonderful thing and I am very proud of him. This got me to thinking, though about the nature of the struggle an addict goes through in remaining sober. You see, for me, August marked my 2 year date of "sobriety" as it were, and while I can't speak for anyone else, it is a struggle some days. I find that there are moments where an urge is so great I thank the Lord that so many safe guards have been placed over me. If it weren't for those self imposed precautions, I most likely would falter or fail. Experiencing these battles that, it seems, all recovering addicts go through has opened my eyes to what I believe to be an essential aspect of recovery. That aspect can be summed up with the question, "What are you staying sober for?"
I want you to consider that for a moment and I mean really consider it. Why are you fighting? Why are you striving to stay free of your addiction? Is it for yourself? Do you strive to overcome because of the pain or suffering it has caused you in the past? Do you fight for your wife or children? Maybe this addiction has caused unneccessary suffering for them as well. Do you stay sober for your job? Is losing yet another job too much to bear for you? It is important to identify the reason for you to "get clean" so to speak. Because, if you do not have a definitive reason for your sobriety it will make the hard times much harder and maybe even impossible.
There is, however, another side to this. What do you do if your reason for staying sober fails you? what happens if you are staying sober for your job, but through no fault of your own you lose your job? What if you are staying sober for your children, but they end up underachieving or growing up to be less than you expect? This may not resound with everyone that reads this, but I will stand by what I say. If you hold your reason for being to be a person or career or lifestyle, it will undoubtedly fail you at some point. People fail, that is the nature of being human and if you are not prepared for that, it can devastate your own feeeling of self worth and in turn could cause you to relapse.
So what is the point then? I suppose the point lies in my reason for remaining "clean". This may sound foolish to some of you, but my reason for not relapsing is not my family, my friends, or my job. Though all those things would be deserving reasons they are not mine. I remain clean for my God. I remain clean to preserve my witness for Jesus Christ. He alone has carried me through this unbelievably difficult process and has provided for me every step of the way. I stand before everyone I meet as a testimony to the power of faith in Jesus Christ and each moment I feel as though I want to go into a "book store" or look at a vdeo or magazine, the very next thought in my head is, "Who might see me do this?" or "How would this effect my ability to witness to those around me if needed?" The answer is always in the negative. I feel that there is no greater or stronger influence on ones life to remain faithful than that of God. While friends might leave you, jobs may fire you, and family may fail you, God never will. He never will because He cannot. He will never not love you because it is impossible for Him not to. The only reason we experience our imperfect form of love is due to our being made in His image. He may
not always approve of your actions, but He will always be there to welcome you back. I know that I can control myself and I know that I will overcome this struggle because I do not have to rely on myself or another flawed human being. If you do not know this assurance; if you do not know this strength, I strongly urge you to seek out Jesus Christ. Submit your life to His will, ask forgiveness for your sinful state and ask Him to become Lord of your life. the Bible says that "whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." I pray that you will consider this as you move forward through this dark valley and fight to find the light. you don't have to rely on your own strength. "Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might."
I want you to consider that for a moment and I mean really consider it. Why are you fighting? Why are you striving to stay free of your addiction? Is it for yourself? Do you strive to overcome because of the pain or suffering it has caused you in the past? Do you fight for your wife or children? Maybe this addiction has caused unneccessary suffering for them as well. Do you stay sober for your job? Is losing yet another job too much to bear for you? It is important to identify the reason for you to "get clean" so to speak. Because, if you do not have a definitive reason for your sobriety it will make the hard times much harder and maybe even impossible.
There is, however, another side to this. What do you do if your reason for staying sober fails you? what happens if you are staying sober for your job, but through no fault of your own you lose your job? What if you are staying sober for your children, but they end up underachieving or growing up to be less than you expect? This may not resound with everyone that reads this, but I will stand by what I say. If you hold your reason for being to be a person or career or lifestyle, it will undoubtedly fail you at some point. People fail, that is the nature of being human and if you are not prepared for that, it can devastate your own feeeling of self worth and in turn could cause you to relapse.
So what is the point then? I suppose the point lies in my reason for remaining "clean". This may sound foolish to some of you, but my reason for not relapsing is not my family, my friends, or my job. Though all those things would be deserving reasons they are not mine. I remain clean for my God. I remain clean to preserve my witness for Jesus Christ. He alone has carried me through this unbelievably difficult process and has provided for me every step of the way. I stand before everyone I meet as a testimony to the power of faith in Jesus Christ and each moment I feel as though I want to go into a "book store" or look at a vdeo or magazine, the very next thought in my head is, "Who might see me do this?" or "How would this effect my ability to witness to those around me if needed?" The answer is always in the negative. I feel that there is no greater or stronger influence on ones life to remain faithful than that of God. While friends might leave you, jobs may fire you, and family may fail you, God never will. He never will because He cannot. He will never not love you because it is impossible for Him not to. The only reason we experience our imperfect form of love is due to our being made in His image. He may
not always approve of your actions, but He will always be there to welcome you back. I know that I can control myself and I know that I will overcome this struggle because I do not have to rely on myself or another flawed human being. If you do not know this assurance; if you do not know this strength, I strongly urge you to seek out Jesus Christ. Submit your life to His will, ask forgiveness for your sinful state and ask Him to become Lord of your life. the Bible says that "whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." I pray that you will consider this as you move forward through this dark valley and fight to find the light. you don't have to rely on your own strength. "Be strong in the Lord and the power of His might."
Monday, November 2, 2009
Pornography
It's been awhile since I've posted and it's mainly because I have been preoccupied with a lot of the political situations going on in Washingon D.C. Having read the health care bill and observing the decisions made by this administration it does concern me where our country is heading. Morally, we as a nation are becoming bankrupt. The president has decided that it is no longer necessary for the federal government to pursue obscenity law violators. This may seem to be a small matter, but we should consider the implications. Granted, the laws on the books basically keep the pornography industry barely respectable, outlawing, the use of animals, extreme violence and children in adult material, but if the federal government does not feel this is worth enforcing what does that say 1. about our culture and leadership, 2. to those engaged in selling smut? It is a very shameful fact of my life that I am acquainted with adult book stores and the things that go on there. I can tell you that the majority of pornography peddled to the average person does not violate federal law, but as I mentioned in my testimony, pornography infects a person much like a gateway drug pushes a user into heavier substances. The viewing of standard pornography can eventually become so mundane that it ceases to arouse the individual in the way that they desire. The next step is to find something "new". This does not mean that person will immediately jump to child pornography or bestiality, but generally the tastes will slowly, gradually become more fringe or extreme. One of the few things that keep the average sex addict or porn addict from pursuing adult material that objectifies minors is the knowledge of its illegality. It is that subconscious fear of potential ramifications that can keep men and women on the right side of the law. However, when the federal government publicly states not that these things are illegal but that they are not going to actively pursue violators it removes the one remaining safeguard built up in the subconscious defenses of the addict. Once a door like this is opened it can be extrememly difficult to close. In fact, once and addict in need of a better or riskier "fix" gets a hold of this new eperience it then becomes impossible to return to the old habits. I fear that this decision by our leadership, while seemingly freeing up unnecessary man hours pursuing frivolous harmless crimes, will in fact further denegrate our society. As I mentioned earlier regarding the adult bookstore dealers and visitors, it is common knowledge that there are certain places offer these kinds of "entertainment" to those who know how to ask. Granted not all bookstores engage in this illegal activity, but if there are two stores in one town, one most likely does. Ths country was founded on Christian ideals and principles. Many of which created a moral atmosphere in which the public could coexist. If we errode the boundaries of what is right and wrong in this country there will be nothing left to keep us afloat. I urge all who might read this to consider even the minor decisions made on all levels of government and the potential effect it will have on our nation.
God bless.
God bless.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Let's Talk
Let's talk about accountability. First, let's break down the word account- ability. If you look at the first part of the word account, I'm sure the first thing that enters into your mind is something like a bank account. Of course a bank account is simply a ledger or list of money withdrawals and deposits, and this can be the same if you were to keep a daily or weekly account at work. It would merely be a list of tasks accomplishments or lack thereof during the period covered. The second part of the word is ability, which simply means to be able to do something. When you put these two words together you form the word accountability and bring a full meaning of, to be able to give a list of your actions. This is the key to sucess in overcoming an addiction.
If you are struggling with an addiction, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or whatever, you must first acknowledge that you cannot trust yourself. This may seem absurd, but if you have gotten to the point in your life where you recognize that your activity has ceased to be a once in awhile event or even a merely social event, but has moved on to a compulsion or need, then you are no longer in control of it. It is, in fact, in control of you and thus you are not able to trust yourself to stop it. If you are in this position and you want to change (the key word being want), then you must make yourself accountable to someone. You need to find a person that is close to you. This can be your wife, girlfriend, family member, friend, pastor, anyone that you can trust with confidentiality. Then, you should set up a time to meet with them and tell them your struggles. this can be embarassing and hard to do, but it is ESSENTIAL! After your meeting, let this person know that you would like them to be your accountability partner and, if they agree, you would like to meet at least once a week. During these meetings you should discuss your struggles, failures and successes in regards to your addiction. This partner should be willing to ask tough questions that you must answer. In doing this, you will grow closer with each other and also take the bulk of the responsibility out of your hands.
You see, if you are trusting that you alone are going to be able to swear off drinking or anything else you struggle with you will fail. This seems defeatist, but trust me I know. It might work for a week or two, but the desire will be too strong for you. If you have someone else that you know is going to be checking on you and that you can call if you are faced with an immediate craving, to help you, then you will be more inclined to abstain. This not only gives you the desire to prove to someone else you can overcome but it also give you the reassurance that you are not in the battle alone.Take heart, I have been and still am, where you are. This is not an war you cannot win. You can be an overcomer, like millions before you. You just have to be willing to work for it.
Clark
If you are struggling with an addiction, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or whatever, you must first acknowledge that you cannot trust yourself. This may seem absurd, but if you have gotten to the point in your life where you recognize that your activity has ceased to be a once in awhile event or even a merely social event, but has moved on to a compulsion or need, then you are no longer in control of it. It is, in fact, in control of you and thus you are not able to trust yourself to stop it. If you are in this position and you want to change (the key word being want), then you must make yourself accountable to someone. You need to find a person that is close to you. This can be your wife, girlfriend, family member, friend, pastor, anyone that you can trust with confidentiality. Then, you should set up a time to meet with them and tell them your struggles. this can be embarassing and hard to do, but it is ESSENTIAL! After your meeting, let this person know that you would like them to be your accountability partner and, if they agree, you would like to meet at least once a week. During these meetings you should discuss your struggles, failures and successes in regards to your addiction. This partner should be willing to ask tough questions that you must answer. In doing this, you will grow closer with each other and also take the bulk of the responsibility out of your hands.
You see, if you are trusting that you alone are going to be able to swear off drinking or anything else you struggle with you will fail. This seems defeatist, but trust me I know. It might work for a week or two, but the desire will be too strong for you. If you have someone else that you know is going to be checking on you and that you can call if you are faced with an immediate craving, to help you, then you will be more inclined to abstain. This not only gives you the desire to prove to someone else you can overcome but it also give you the reassurance that you are not in the battle alone.Take heart, I have been and still am, where you are. This is not an war you cannot win. You can be an overcomer, like millions before you. You just have to be willing to work for it.
Clark
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Part 4: Why Share
Why is it important that I share my story with you? Sexual addiction is rapidly becoming the number one struggle among men in the church. Yes, in the church. If any of you were able to attend this year’s men’ roundup you heard Dr. Roberts speak of this very problem. 66% of men between the ages of 18-34 view online pornography at least once a day. 55% of pastors admit to being sexual addicts. In a startling trend 40% of women are admitting to addiction to pornography. There is nothing more destructive to the family than pornography. If Satan can use it to destroy the family, then he can use it to destroy the church, and if he can destroy the church then he can destroy the nation! Do you know what those statistics tell me?! They tell me that at least half of you here today could be struggling with pornography! I know this pain you are going through and I know the shame you feel about coming forward about it. I am not a counselor nor am I a pastor; I am just someone who has suffered through this and wants to help.
You may be sitting here, thinking that it’s no big deal. Maybe you’re thinking that I’m just weak and that you aren’t going to fall like me. If this is you, I would direct you to
1 Cor. 10:12 - Wherefore let him that thinks he stand take heed, lest he fall.
The greatest lie Satan can tell you is that you’ve got it under control. If you are allowing sin to take hold of your life, you are like a ship taking on water. It may start with a small leak, but even what seems to be a small leak over time, will sink you. In reference to sexual sin Solomon said in:
Prov. 6:27 – Can a man take fire into his bosom and not be burned?
You cannot hold this struggle inside you without it burning you and everything around you. I would then direct you to:
1 Cor. 10:13 – There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able, but will with the temptation also make a way for you to escape that ye may be able to bear it.
No temptation has taken you but such as is common to man! You are not alone in this fight! God has provided you with a way to escape and it is in the forgiveness and grace of His Son Jesus Christ. It is in the counsel of Godly men that can help you bear this burden! Sure you can seek counseling from the secular world, but it will not save you. In Mark 3:24 Christ said that a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand. He was making this statement in reference to an accusation made by the Pharisees that He was casting out demons by the power of Satan. What Christ was saying is that Satan would not cast out his own demon, for that would be counter-productive to his goals. Satan is the ruler of this world, so what makes you think that he would provide you with counseling that could purge you from a sin he has placed in your life to destroy you! Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed by us as He designed it, within the marriage bed! Nothing can bring two people together like this gift, but when it is used improperly, when it is twisted and distorted by the lies of the devil, nothing can destroy you more quickly. I have sat in secular counseling and do you know what they tell you to help you? They tell you that you need to adjust your fantasy life. They tell you to imagine healthy sexual relationships with other women, and to seek personal gratification to appease your urges! That is the counsel of this world! To lust after another woman in your heart, the very thing that Christ calls adultery. Replace one sin with another that is Satan’s best advice. Sure, some people find a measure of success through counseling, but more than half of prison inmates are confined for sex-based crimes and of those more than half are repeat offenders. You cannot win this battle without Christ!
Elders, deacons, pastors, the sin of sexual addiction have caused too many members of the body of Christ to be ostracized from the church. As leaders I implore you to create an open door environment for men to come to you without fear of exposure. If this battle is not taken seriously we will lose our families and our churches.
Ephesians 6:12 – For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
This is a serious spiritual battle we face today and the only way to win it is to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Those of you that are struggling today cast your cares at the feet of the Savior and come to the cross for help! You may feel like no one can forgive you or that those who love you and are closest to you will shun you, but I’m here to tell you that God can and will forgive you! You come to Him and He will guide you through every step of the way! The last thing I will tell you is that you must find someone of like faith to tell. Make them your accountability partner, because if you are accountable to only yourself, you will fail.
Eccl. 4:9-10 – Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth: for he hath not another to help him up.
You don’t know me and I don’t know you, but if you’re afraid to tell someone you know, tell me! I will give you my name and phone number. I will give you my email address, and you can contact me any time day or night. If I can spare you from the burden of carrying this alone I will! I pray that you are willing to make today the day you fight for your soul, your family, and your church.
You may be sitting here, thinking that it’s no big deal. Maybe you’re thinking that I’m just weak and that you aren’t going to fall like me. If this is you, I would direct you to
1 Cor. 10:12 - Wherefore let him that thinks he stand take heed, lest he fall.
The greatest lie Satan can tell you is that you’ve got it under control. If you are allowing sin to take hold of your life, you are like a ship taking on water. It may start with a small leak, but even what seems to be a small leak over time, will sink you. In reference to sexual sin Solomon said in:
Prov. 6:27 – Can a man take fire into his bosom and not be burned?
You cannot hold this struggle inside you without it burning you and everything around you. I would then direct you to:
1 Cor. 10:13 – There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able, but will with the temptation also make a way for you to escape that ye may be able to bear it.
No temptation has taken you but such as is common to man! You are not alone in this fight! God has provided you with a way to escape and it is in the forgiveness and grace of His Son Jesus Christ. It is in the counsel of Godly men that can help you bear this burden! Sure you can seek counseling from the secular world, but it will not save you. In Mark 3:24 Christ said that a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand. He was making this statement in reference to an accusation made by the Pharisees that He was casting out demons by the power of Satan. What Christ was saying is that Satan would not cast out his own demon, for that would be counter-productive to his goals. Satan is the ruler of this world, so what makes you think that he would provide you with counseling that could purge you from a sin he has placed in your life to destroy you! Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed by us as He designed it, within the marriage bed! Nothing can bring two people together like this gift, but when it is used improperly, when it is twisted and distorted by the lies of the devil, nothing can destroy you more quickly. I have sat in secular counseling and do you know what they tell you to help you? They tell you that you need to adjust your fantasy life. They tell you to imagine healthy sexual relationships with other women, and to seek personal gratification to appease your urges! That is the counsel of this world! To lust after another woman in your heart, the very thing that Christ calls adultery. Replace one sin with another that is Satan’s best advice. Sure, some people find a measure of success through counseling, but more than half of prison inmates are confined for sex-based crimes and of those more than half are repeat offenders. You cannot win this battle without Christ!
Elders, deacons, pastors, the sin of sexual addiction have caused too many members of the body of Christ to be ostracized from the church. As leaders I implore you to create an open door environment for men to come to you without fear of exposure. If this battle is not taken seriously we will lose our families and our churches.
Ephesians 6:12 – For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
This is a serious spiritual battle we face today and the only way to win it is to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Those of you that are struggling today cast your cares at the feet of the Savior and come to the cross for help! You may feel like no one can forgive you or that those who love you and are closest to you will shun you, but I’m here to tell you that God can and will forgive you! You come to Him and He will guide you through every step of the way! The last thing I will tell you is that you must find someone of like faith to tell. Make them your accountability partner, because if you are accountable to only yourself, you will fail.
Eccl. 4:9-10 – Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth: for he hath not another to help him up.
You don’t know me and I don’t know you, but if you’re afraid to tell someone you know, tell me! I will give you my name and phone number. I will give you my email address, and you can contact me any time day or night. If I can spare you from the burden of carrying this alone I will! I pray that you are willing to make today the day you fight for your soul, your family, and your church.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)